BREAKING NEWS: Gnome Empire Press Conference on local disaster

Gnome king speaking at a forest podium to reporters taking notes

BREAKING NEWS: Gnome Empire Press Conference on local disaster

Editor’s Introduction: In October 2024, we began reporting on the activities of the infamous Gnome Empire, ruled by the malevolent Lord Emperor Wilson, located in the southern region of the continent Tampa on the distant planet Florida.

Links to Gnome News stories are at the end of this post.

Today, Lord Emperor Wilson of the Gnome Empire held a rare Royal Gnome Press Conference.

The Emperor spoke to the media and others, flanked on his left by his Defense Minister, Sir Chez Nife, and on his right by his loyal Press Secretary. An ally also attended, sitting beside the Royal News Stand.

A display of various decorative gnomes arranged beneath a banner that reads 'Royal Gnome Press Conference'. The gnomes come in different styles, colors, and accessories, showcasing a fun and whimsical theme. A skeleton figure and floral arrangements are also included in the display.

Announcement of “Empire Incident”

Lord Emperor Wilson spoke, accompanied by images of the Incident…

(Caution: the images you are about to see are very graphic and may be uncomfortable to view. Please remove any children or impressionable gnomes from the viewing area)

My loyal fellow gnomes, minions, allies and members of the press, I stand before you with GRAVE NEWS. While I am sure members of the EVIL NEWS PRESS… whose only interest is making FAKE news DESECRATING our glorious empire… will FALSELY misrepresent my use of the word “grave” this close to the sacred Halloween celebrations, I come before you with the true story of the incident you may have heard about.

By royal proclamation, every year at this time, a banner is displayed honoring former rebellion members who are now close allies. Former members of the Rebellion proudly unfurl it.

During this 2nd Glorious Year of displaying the Grand Rebellion Memorial Banner, our BRAVE and COURAGEOUS allies encountered a construction challenge even their SUPERB SKILLS could not overcome. Because I had to attend to Important Matters of State, I couldn’t be with our team to prevent what happened.

A Halloween decoration featuring a skeleton climbing up a wall, supported by a smaller skeleton below. In the background, there is a spooky scene with two skeletons and pumpkins, creating a festive atmosphere.

During the unfurling, four of our BRAVE and COURAGEOUS minions, umm… allies, couldn’t maintain their grips, and, despite HEROIC efforts, two fell to their demise.

A playful Halloween scene featuring two skeletons, one sitting on the ground and the other on a stepladder, with a backdrop of carved pumpkins.

Fortunately, the GALLANT Team Leader… a former Rebellion Leader and now HERO OF THE EMPIRE… and his companion, Mr. GreenSkel, while losing their grip, were not seriously injured. The image you see captures the moment they fell.

Our hearts go out to these SUPERB team members, especially the two who didn’t make it home that night. Their efforts in GLORIFYING the Gnome Empire will never be forgotten!

The FAKE NEWS has spread MALICIOUS gossip that the incident happened because of incompetence and poor guidance from our team. I am here tonight to assure you that this is not the case. In fact, I invited our Royal Minister of Defense to stand beside me because he is PERSONALLY investigating the possibility of SABOTAGE by EVILDOERS and MALCONTENTS. When found, they will be dealt with in the harshest manner, as will spreaders of FAKE NEWS.

Thank you for attending, and please keep our heroic friends in your thoughts as we celebrate this Halloween season.

ALL POWER TO THE GNOME EMPIRE!

The Emperor took no questions. He closed the evening by stepping off the stand and hugging the ally who had attended