Brief History
Far south on the continent of Tampa, on the planet Florida, lies a small territory called the Gnome Empire. It is ruled by the harsh Lord Emperor Wilson, who has ruled with an iron fist since he took the throne in 2017. The Emperor’s cruel rule, backed by his evil followers, is feared across the kingdom. Stories of bad behavior, misdeeds and generally poor attitudes are widespread in the Empire.
The Emperor enjoys traveling the world and collecting mementos and pins. He often meets… and parties… with other despots during his journeys.
Stock images: closeup of Emperor Wilson in traveling regalia, and addressing his minions…
As often occurs in evil- driven empires, recent immigrants to the despotic kingdom were chagrined by the terrible conditions they found and rumors of a rebellion soon ran rampant.
The Rebellion
We sent a crack team of investigative reporters to the south of continental Tampa on planet Florida to explore the rumors. To add to the team’s credibility, members of the exploratory group that recently revealed the Truth About Stonehenge (click to read the story) were included in the traveling group.
Their reports, accompanied by shocking images, follow.
9/01/24
A drone we sent up shortly after our arrival confirmed we were in the Gnome Empire.
9/05/24
The violent Rebellion against the evil Gnome Empire began with the beheading of one of the Empire’s leadership.
9/07/24
The rebellion against the evil Gnome Empire continues! Nothing better than boiled gnome in the morning!!!!
9/08/24
Using a clever disguise, a spy for the Rebellion observes a secret ceremony performed by Gnome Empire supreme leaders… the Ritual Drinking of Planet Florida Strawberry Port.
9/15/24
Our first evidence of female involvement in the Rebellion. Two gnome minions are faced with a woman’s anger at the disrespect shown her (gnomes are notoriously rude to the “fairer sex”).
9/18/24
The Rebellion continues!! A spy, cleverly disguised as your humble reporter (note the hat), sneaks up on the supreme Gnome Emperor as he sits on his throne gazing over his kingdom.
9/25/24
Rebellion update: the leaders of the now-named Grand Rebellion and the evil Gnome Empire continue negotiations intended to end the horrendous losses. Both sides tendered their pagers and portable radios to avoid any unexpected explosions during talks.
9/27/24
A query from Headquarters to our intrepid Reporters after a hurricane swept past continental Tampa:
Did the Grand Rebellion survive the hurricane?
An unexpected response from Emperor Wilson, who is evidently hacking our communications:
Emperor Wilson here. We are holding your slimy reporters hostage. We have substantive information that they caused the hurricane to further the rebellion. All power to the Gnome Empire
(Our reporters were released soon afterward following serious bribes)
10/3/24
Meanwhile, back at the Rebellion v Empire negotiations, not all discussions ended with good results.
Negotiations are somewhat hindered by the Empire’s ongoing poor-taste comments about the Rebellion leadership.
10/4/24
In a daring raid far behind Rebellion lines, a Gnome team, led by the infamous Pumpkin Boyz, broke into a secret vault and looted the Rebellion’s invaluable and sacred supply of Chicken Stock. This is seen as a major setback for the Rebellion.
10/17/24
The Rebellion continues!!! The Empire has reached an agreement with local Dragons for assistance.
10/18/24
The Rebellion today announced the capture of the Director of Gnomeland Security (note the Director has two fans to facilitate the blowing of hot air).
10/20/24
This is your investigative reporters’ final statement. We have been recalled out of an overarching concern for our safety due to the increasing violence of the Grand Rebellion… and it is getting close to Halloween. Please stay tuned to your local stations for updates on the Grand Rebellion and the fate of the Gnome Empire.
Post- release Editor’s Note: Click here to to see our follow-up visit in December 2024.
(A serious comment: the past month has been extremely difficult for Tampa and lot of the rest of Florida. Our thoughts and prayers are with those who suffered and lost so much. Please take this small bit of humor to provide a slight relief, and keep all those impacted in your thoughts. Bill)
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