Editor’s Introduction: In October 2024, we began reporting on the activities of the infamous Gnome Empire, ruled by the malevolent Lord Emperor Wilson, located in the southern region of the continent Tampa on the distant planet Florida.

Click/ Press here for all our Gnome Empire reporting.

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Annual Thanksgiving Turkey Pardon

Lord Emperor Wilson, as is his annual tradition, addressed the gathered crowds and granted a pardon to the Thanksgiving turkey.

In his speech, the Lord Emperor stated that the Gnome Empire was the first to celebrate a leader’s act of pardoning a turkey.

When later questioned by our intrepid reporters about

• President Abraham Lincoln sparing a turkey in 1863 named “Jack” and
• the modern, official pardoning of a turkey began with President Harry Truman in 1947, but
• the Gnome Kingdom was founded in 2017,

he dismissed the query as fake news and an attempt by the “opposition party” to sully his Royal name.

Lord Emperor Wilson also introduced his new Defense Minister, Sir Chez Nife.

The Minister gave a lengthy speech extolling the cutting-edge skills of the Emperor’s elite Squall Troopers and how much grater they were than other unnamed troops dressed in camouflage.

There be dinosaurs!

Lord Emperor Wilson declined to comment on the construction of the secret base being built in the Gnome Empire, located deep within the continent of Tampa. He only noted that the project was “coming along.” Our team had heard rumors about an astonishing new addition to the base, so we set out to investigate the construction.

Following the familiar path through the backwoods of the Empire, our reporters reached the site and launched their drone for a closer look. To their astonishment, they discovered that the Lord Emperor had apparently built a DINOSAUR!

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

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November 16, 2025

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